He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
