that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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