who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
