other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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