Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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