last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
