To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
