Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
