Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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