You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
