I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
