You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
