I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
