you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
