Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
