90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
