Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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