I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
