I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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