He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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