is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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