Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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