i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
