Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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