So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
