it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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