will power is for people who don't want to get laid
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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