So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize