I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
