Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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