imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
