After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize