Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
