hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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