Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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