this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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