the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
