Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
