He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
