I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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