I just cut my nipple shaving
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
