I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
