And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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