I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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