Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
