Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
