I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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