soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
