Don't you send me to vm
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
