my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
