I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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