Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
