Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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