you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
