oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize