Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize