ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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