i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
