You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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