11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
