Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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