It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
