Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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