Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
