is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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