So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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