think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
