Your tits are I can't wait for
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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