i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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