Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
